Happy Ending

It’s so odd how “faith” plays us tricks. Yesterday I was just sittin’ around in my bed and doing some university work when all of a sudden the “Happy Ending” tune of Mika comes on.  And for a moment I just stop and lean backwards and the first thing I see is the namesign of my first favorite horse.

PLEASE! Before I start getting smartypants on my back, PLEASE just because I call the horses “nuts” or similar, it doesn’t mean I hate them. It doesn’t mean I don’t know what kind of nature horses got. It’s just my quirky, hysteric way of describing things I love. Like when I constantly call Phineas retarded or my girls in the GBBF for the biggest retarded nutcases on the earth, alright?. Thank you.

And while looking at that, I realized that I was leaning against two ribbons, more precise, one ribbon I got with the horse Dolly, now deceased  and one I got with Lady Axa, who isn’t a big part of my life anymore.

Pickles was the first horse I ever loved. And when I say loved, I mean loved. I was hopelessly devoted to her, spent almost ALL my time in the stable until concerts hit, but I was still spending a lot of time. She was put down in September 2006, due to blindness and I can honestly say I have never been more devastated than I was the night before she was leaving. I had spent the past days in the stable with her, but you know.. She was simply the best.

After she was gone I spent less time in the stable, I was more or less only there when I had a ridinglesson. Until 2009, when she came. Lady Axa. I guess I have a thing for blind horses, as Laxen (as we call her) holds the same handicap as Pickles; blindness on one eye. It’s odd you know, how a horse just can snuck it’s way right into ones heart.

I had a few good years with her, rented her most of the time I spent with her until I mysteriously outgrew her. Hmpf. She gave me my courage back though to jump and to ride outside. She also taught me that it’s no big deal falling off, as the first thing she did when I was riding her the first time on my first rental period, was to buck me off. One moment I was on her back, the next I was mysteriously lying on the ground. I was like “what… the… hell….”

(Quasi Axa?)

Either way… Moving on to big horses. I always had a thing for Kadesh, but it never really clicked. Not until the black horse with a spanner in her forehead came to the ridingschool last year. She was so pretty! I recall we were about to try “long reining” (I think?!) and we were to use her, Winerva, and Diana. I at first thought to myself that God forbid I end up with Winerva, as I don’t fancy handling new horses since I don’t know them, but OF COURSE I ended up with her anyways. I figured I’d just make the best of it.

The first thing that happens is that she almost jumps me because of a dog on the gallery, and you know. It was pretty much “okay, fuck this, I’m going to die anyway”. But later on, I am so so so so glad I actually got her, as Diana was the one freaking out later, with Winerva being a lamb. Thank God.

I was honored enough to have the wonderful, yet horrific oppurtunity to be a part of her rehab after she got ill, and I don’t know where to start with that. In the beginning, when we had Arabeska as well, Winerva was a delight as Arabeska was nuts. And Winerva was, still, a lamb.

Either way, somewhere after summer we had to start over from the beginning again, and it was here the “problems” started. Not sure to call it problems, but I think she and Arabeska has been gossiping too much, because all of a sudden, this kind horse had gone nuts. There were days I honestly feared taking her out, because I never knew what tricks she’d play. Or how to put it. There was however one day that took the price, when she wouldn’t even let me open the door to the stable without running around me like a lion was chasing her. Hello, Winerva, what’s up? But despite this, I think she’s the first horse that I’ve actually loved. And that’s why I never gave up on her even though some thought I should.

However, some of you may know, or may not know, that since last Friday, November 2nd, Winerva is no more.

The last days I spent her and walked with her, she was the cute little lamb that she used to be. Maybe she knew something was up, who knows. But also. This horse, Winerva, is the horse that throughout the years taught me the most. Laxen might have given me the courage back to certain things, but when it comes to horsemanship (I guess you could call it?) Winerva is the horse. She also taught me that I’m not (likely) going to die just because she bucks around me for a while. And it’s not the end of the world if she tried to run away a couple of times.

She also taught me that she’ll fucking break my thumb if I try to hold her back from running. AUCH, Winerva! That was sooo uneccessary. She’s caused A LOT of tears, a little blood, and a lot of courage to handle the last time, but you know what. For every time we could pass the spooky woods, was a victory. Or the day we could walk three rounds about the pastures without her reacting to anything, was joyous moments. Those things, made it all worth it.

And after all, despite all the frenemy-hate, She was the creature closest to my heart.

Rest in peace, my angel.

// Sara

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