I Knew You Were Trouble

So, I’ve made this little deal with myself, that from now on in order to release some stress and chill out, to end my days at 18. So all applications for work, planning for work and such things, and even work (‘cept the one at the night club) shall be finished at 18 sharp, and if I’m not done by that time, I’ll just continue tomorrow unless it’s something urgent.

You see, I have an old habit from when I was in university where I’d punish myself if I didn’t study properly. Like, I still have The Sims 3 games that are unopened, because I didn’t feel like I deserved to play them because I didn’t study good enough and so on. This became a bad spiral. As I constantly felt I was bad and never enjoyed stuff, I never felt inspired to actually study, and therefore I got even worse results in school.

But since I don’t really study anymore, but work, and therefore actually EARNED the money, I do deserve it. But, old habits die hard and even to this day I still hold back from doing things because I feel I don’t deserve it.

And I need to stop this. Need to learn how to relax. Which is hard as hell, but I’m getting there. So sitting here, slowly scrolling through Tumblr and listening to Taylor Swift is a good start, don’t you think? Seriously, metal in all its glory, but nothing calms me down like Taylor Swift and Olly Murs.

// Sara

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